As I followed the bread crumbs to embark on this new chapter in life, I really thought I knew where God was taking me. I really felt like I had it all figured out. Come to find out those bread crumbs were more like a dangling carrot.
I have been thinking about this journey that I am on and trying to wrap my mind around it… it is what I do before I can finally surrender to “what will be, will be”. I know in my heart that I had to close my last chapter because it wasn’t good for me or my family. I found myself stressed out and, at times, depressed in my career as an Art Teacher. I wanted a better quality of life. I wanted to strive to live a life I love and love the life I live. I wanted to live in accordance with God’s purpose for my life… in harmony with His will. In order for me to close one chapter, God knew I needed something to entice me… a carrot dangling in front of my face to motivate and encourage me to accept the beginning of a new chapter.
That carrot was becoming a yoga instructor. God knows me soooo well!
I snapped my pearly whites at the carrot and kept at it… until it didn’t feel right any more. I have said all along, “I go where God goes”. I felt God had detoured; therefore, I stopped in my tracks and waited until I felt His guidance once again.
I prayed. I meditated. I sought God’s guidance for where to take my career as a yoga teacher. Many ideas ebbed and flowed through my mind in this past 6 months. I felt like I was being lead in the direction of teaching at the yoga studio where I practice; however, after two weeks of teaching there, my heart felt heavy and burdened. Therefore, I slowly backing away from my obligations at the yoga studio and I am back in the business of seeking guidance. I am searching for the trail bread crumbs once again… or a carrot on a stick.
As you can imagine, this was very hard for me swallow at first. I felt shame. I felt like I was a failure. I felt like I made a mistake. I worried I disappointed people. After I allowed myself to feel those emotions and stopped over identifying with those lies, I saw what was really happening… God is working in me. That’s all I truly ever wanted in this new chapter of my life… God’s purpose and will.
I am using this free time wisely. I am focusing on being a better wife. I am focusing on being a better mom to not only my one-and-only child, but to the foreign exchange student from Sweden that we are hosting as well. I am focusing on my health and fitness. I am deepening my faith and relationship with God.
I am so thankful that God dangled the carrot and I took the bait. This is not where I thought I would be, but I am grateful for where I am. AND… I can see what God is doing in me and through me in this new chapter. I wait patiently for God to lay the next bread crumb… or dangle the next carrot.
“Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him.” Psalm 37:7